outspokn.

A book I read in university by China Achebe. Also, how I feel about my life this present moment in time. My life is falling apart.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for but I am suffering financially to the point where I am worried about my ability to take care of myself. Never have I been worried about taking care of myself. I don’t have a parent I can go live with or even a sibling. I don’t have a friend who can rent a room from me and I don’t have anyone I can borrow money from or that I can call should my car break down.

I pray my car doesn’t break down
I pray I can feed my dog
I pray I can keep a roof over my head
I pray that I sort my fucking life out and re-gain financial freedom and independence
Fuck I pray that I am okay

Less then a few months ago I never thought I’d ever be at a low like this one.
B, wants me to figure my shit out… I’ve ended up confiding in him about my past and he had an abnormal reaction. He said what are you doing about it?

What am I doing about it? Probably nothing right now because I am just trying to keep my head above water at the moment. But nobody knows the ways I am suffering.
I am depressed. I am lost. I am struggling just to get through each day.
If I get through this I will do something about forgiving those in my past and moving on from the things I’ve endured. Right now. Food on my table and roof over my head is my priority.

I pray that I get through this and come out stronger, more confident and grounded then ever before. I want Things Fall Apart to JUST be a book I read in University. Not how I feel.